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Traveling during a pandemic is a whole thing. Pour through my mask drawer- grab 3 n95’s, 4 cloth masks. Maybe I see an ex’s shirt in my closet I thought I had hidden properly but somehow got mixed up as I pack and unpack over and over and over. I talk to someone on the phone. “Oh my god, my dream last night? There were all these people and none of them were wearing masks but it was like it was the before times, we were in grand central, and I turned to my boyfriend and I said, why aren’t they wearing masks? And then I realized he wasn’t either and I said, ‘are you in the before times too?’ And he just looked at me and told me ‘I don’t like your personality’ and then I woke up and I was like well, that was a weird dream.” Then my friend on the phone says, “I had a dream last night that I was building a snowman and my boyfriend said ‘that’s a terrible snowman’ and I got so angry at him that I stomped off in the snow and waited for him to come find me’” and then I suggested we socialize once I’m back from wherever the heck I’m going to go. Covid tests, sometimes extra ones just to be safe. Almost every day. It’s snowing, so you go out in the snow. I go to a coffee shop, and everyone is silent and standing apart. Sometimes someone will absentmindedly get too close and then realize and jump back. I claw at normalcy. Getting coffee is normal? Last time I was on a train I was on the c train coming from Brooklyn and it was February 2020 and we were packed like sardines. Oh how I’d love to be on a packed subway on my way to a bar where me and some man can analyze our neighbor’s conversation and giggle about nonsense. It’s still snowing, I try to text Kate my thoughts on something, the phone gets covered in snow. I don’t have the right shoes- come home, soak my feet in the bathtub in the hot water until the feeling comes back into my toes. Anyway the point is, I’m going back to Hawaii and I’m pretty bored because it’s hour 12
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